Tuesday, September 04, 2007

ISO Friend

ISO friend. Single or married. Must have kids. 4-6 year old boy ideal.

I love walking laps around the playground, putting out fires, PBJ and goldfish picnics, and issuing warnings that sticks cannot hit bodies.

No unsolicited advice, reliance on benadryl in parenting, or girl-only households.

Must laugh at threats to life, potty language, and ninja kicks.

* * *

So I'm looking for new friends here in my new town. And I must say, it is a little hard negotiating this process with two kids in tow. When I was first making friends in Chicago, Luke was a baby. He didn't care who I hung around with. He just liked to get out of the house and stare at a face other than mine.

But now I have these two little stick-wielding, ninja-kicking, poop-talkin' boys with me. And it is so complicated.

I must like the mom. But also, she must be nice to my kids. And my kids must get along with her kids. And not, you know, like, gang up on them and beat them into submission with sticks.

The other day, we met a potential new friend at the park. I liked her. The playdate went well, but ended with Luke screaming, repeatedly, "I never want to play with you again! I don't like you!" at the 5 year old.

We all left in a hurry.

A few days later, I ran into the woman, and tried to make light of the situation.

"Yah, Luke is a pretty intense guy. But we are making progress. He used to hit other kids at the park. Then he started using his words and yelling things like, 'I'm going to kill you!' Now, finally, he is saying things that are more socially acceptable, although still not very friendly," I offered, adding a little laugh.

She laughed tensely.

The search continues.


Nancy said...

I used to imagine that having kids widened your scope of friendship, because you'd meet more people. Instead, we meet more people, and at the same time there are more of us who have to get along with each other!

I'm going to assume that they are covered in mud. Or chocolate! Great photo!

I don't know if it is any comfort, but Emily told us after a family-playdate once that she hated the other little girl. It wasn't openly rude, but the friendship was just as over as if she'd done what Luke did. The advantage in your case is you don't have to feel guilty for not calling the mom back!

Swistle said...

Holy pie, did you just invent MOMMY PERSONALS? Because that is SUCH A GREAT IDEA. Wouldn't that be fun? There'd be certain issues you could check off as being dealbreakers or fine either way (TV, daycare, whatever else people fight about).

Shoot: I've got a 6-year-old boy, but there's a bottle of benedryl in the cupboard. Well, back to the personals!

Jenny said...

Ser--this is great! A new and brilliant genre. Not sure what's so bad about Benedryl, but we can talk that through later . . .

Here's mine:

Adventurous mother of two--big gap between them--eagerly seeks friend with similar five year gap between children.

Must be able to tolerate sudden changes in plans, loose pronouns, unstable phone connections and small tyrants. Must also be willing to make sport of oneself and one's offspring (see Ser's blog for a masterful example).

If you have a cozy home with a blazing fireplace and you love to cook organic local fare for your guests, that is a HUGE plus.

Will brew wonderful coffee and will promise to keep the conversation rolling in a million different directions all at the same time should you reply to this ad.

Ser said...

Oh, gosh, I didn't mean to insult benadryl users. I use benadryl on the boys when we reach that toxic mix of congestion, no sleep for anyone, and mommy nearing the edge of losing it. I use it on myself more often to overcome insomnia and over-attuned mommy ears in the night.

The key word was reliance. :)

Jenny, your personal ad is hilarious! It makes me want to re-write mine.

Julia said...

Ser, if that gal didn't laugh at your joke, well, she don't deserve you. You need someone with a sense of humor.

Bethany Torode said...

But Jenny - I am the exact opposite of your personal ad. We eat non-organic processed beige-colored food every day (Lord, have merrrrrr-cy) and I popped out no less than 4 kids while you were enjoying the beauty of a wide space. Yet how we attract...

Dove Knits said...

Brandon says, "I Yuke's fwiend."

Granted, the context was, "I don't want Josiah to hug me because I Yuke's fwiend."

But still.

Jenny said...

Not sure if I'm supposed to leave comments for Bethany on Ser's blog, but as long as you're chatting with me, B.--truth be told, I adore you no matter what you cook, and if I remember correctly, when I visited you, you served me lovely scones and homemade pizza and hot apple cider. YOU are a wonderful hostess!

Ser--you, back to you, since this is YOUR blog, you are one of the most hospitable people I know. It's not just your free range elk stew and fresh coffee with that lovely creamer, but it is your whole person that I feel so at home with.

It was a great comfort to be able to visit with you on cold winter days. I don't know how I would have survived here without you!